


Kiss Me Now, Kiss Me Later

by SheenaChan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-04-24 15:30:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4925047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheenaChan/pseuds/SheenaChan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Feelings bubble and spill over on the night after graduation when Yaku and Lev just can’t keep their feelings to themselves anymore. Yaku is thrilled, but he’s also a week away from moving away for university, and just can’t see how he can nurture a long distance relationship at this point in his life. Some things, however, are just too important not to work for…</p><p>[[Cancelled, however if you like a dash of bittersweetness and nekoma cuteness, chapter 1 should  have you covered~]]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Single Red Hat

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am with another multi-chap monster! :D - I really wanted to take a stab at writing some YakuLev, for reasons I'm not too sure, possibly because Lev is adorable and I just really wanted to write about him but either way, here it is!
> 
> This work is also being Beta'd by the amazing [Vesloth](http://vesloth.tumblr.com/) ! Thanks so much for always being such great help and support! c:

The thing about love is that it has no concern for life. In the center of a crisis, it could take hold and rescue you or send you spiraling deeper. In the middle of an earthly shift, it could toss you into the depths of its fissure. And, at a crossroad, it could direct you straight down the wrong path.

So, it was a good thing for Yaku Morisuke that he wasn’t in love. Though a crush _could_ be equally debilitating…

“...And here’s to the team members who will continue Nekoma High’s legacy! May you experience pride and victory, and of course, keep the blood flowing to-”

“Finish that, and I’m leaving,” Kenma interrupted. He looked up from his PSP just long enough to lock eyes with Kuroo who had been delivering an impassioned speech on the other end of the living room. Kuroo stalled with his glass of soda raised high in the air as the rest of the Nekoma team stared between the two friends through the moment of silence. That is until Yamamoto began making whooping noises in the middle of the room.

“Yeah!” he exclaimed. “It wouldn’t be a Nekoma celebration if one of our captain’s speeches didn’t get interrupted one last time!”

Yamamoto began clapping like crazy as the rest of the team followed suit, clapping and exchanging words of approval. Kuroo shrugged and tipped his glass towards Kenma through the commotion, a rare subdued smile on his face as he silently acknowledged Yamamoto’s fact. Kenma wore a small smile as well, nodding his understanding at Kuroo before getting back to his game…

...And Yaku watched all of this take place from his spot against the wall, sipping at his own soda with a smile on his face. It was nice, this get together of the Nekoma volleyball club. Kuroo had suggested the whole team come over to his house for one last get together after graduation, and everybody was glad to be there. Though, Yaku _did_ still feel a sense of melancholy, even if everybody was happily conversing and snacking around him. He didn’t feel much like talking, merely glad to bask in the happy atmosphere of his friends before stepping out into a whole new world without them.

Yaku had always made sure to have his friends’ backs, but there was a part of him that worried if he’d struggle out there without them. He supposed only time would tell…

...And speaking of time, there was a certain half-Russian who was running out of it. He had already missed Kuroo’s speech, and he wondered where on earth the ever boisterous one could be. That is until a frantic ring of the doorbell filled the room and everybody perked up at the sound. Kuroo placed his drink on the coffee table and headed off to answer the door.

Yaku felt his heart pump just a bit faster at the telling bell ring. It had been a touch more enthusiastic than most and that alone was enough to let him know that Lev had arrived.

Yaku took a quiet, deep breath to brace himself for the storm. He wasn’t sure when he had started feeling a certain fondness for Lev, but he knew it was definitely there. Somewhere between the first year’s arrival and many receiving practices, Yaku found himself secretly admiring the determination of the boy, his enthusiasm, and how he threw one hundred and twenty percent of his heart into becoming Nekoma’s ace. Yaku wasn’t sure if that was going to happen as fast as Lev thought, but he didn’t mind helping him get there. Though, he supposed he wouldn’t be able to do that anymore…

“Ah! Sorry I’m late, everybody!” Lev greeted as he walked into the room with Kuroo. He had apologized but the large, bright smile over his face made him look more proud than sorry. Yaku laughed quietly behind his cup. He wondered if Lev would ever change.

“Oi! What took you so long?” Yamamoto asked, his voice as gruff as ever.

“You missed Kuroo-san’s speech!” Inuoka added.

“I know! I’m sorry, I just had to make sure everything was in order,” Lev explained as he held up a gift bag.

The team looked upon Lev curiously, and Yaku was especially intrigued to hear his reason.

“I brought gifts for our senpai!” he finally revealed as he put his gift bag down on the coffee table. Mostly everyone gathered around to see what Lev was going to pull out of the bag, except for Kenma who only looked up from his game where he sat. Yaku, too, stayed back at his spot against the wall, feeling a bit too overwhelmed to be in the thick of the situation.

“Aw, Lev. You didn’t have to do that,” Kuroo said, placing a hand over his heart. He was genuinely touched, though it was hard to take him seriously with his classic grin spread over his face.

Kai cleared his throat next to Kuroo. He seemed a little embarrassed at the gesture.

“Mm. That wasn’t necessary,” he said calmly.

“No, no! I wanted to! You’ve all done a lot for the team, so you deserve something after all your hard work,” Lev explained as he shuffled his hand inside the bag.

“You should have told us, Lev! We would have chipped in too,” Shibayama said. Inuoka nodded frantically next to the up and coming libero.

“Sorry guys, I was really excited when I thought of it and forgot, ha ha.”

 _Ugh, just get on with it…_ Yaku thought. He had braced himself to be in Lev’s presence but not if he was actually offering him a _gift_. He ran a few scenarios in his head as he waited, listing out things that he’d say as a thank you without looking too obvious that it really meant more to him than it should have. Yaku sighed quietly. His dumb crush really had gotten out of hand, hadn’t it? He was lucky that he would just be able to forget about it soon enough.

“Okay! So for you, Kai-san, I got this!” Lev exclaimed, pulling out the first gift, which appeared to be several jars haphazardly tied together with a large, sloppy bow. Kai blinked at the gift for a moment before taking it.

“Eight jars of sea grape jelly…” he stated, his voice a bit shaky for he wasn’t exactly sure how to respond. Lev didn’t miss a beat though, and was as enthusiastic as ever.

“Yeah! You like those, right, senpai? I thought you’d find the jelly delicious!”

Kai could only look up and smile at Lev. It was a strange gift, and far more jelly than he could probably ever eat, but he appreciated the thought all the same.

“I’m sure it’ll be nice. Thank you, Lev,” Kai said politely.

Yaku’s heart skipped a little. That was one down. Perhaps he’d thank Lev just like Kai had, polite and simple. That was inconspicuous, right?

“So! What did you get for me?” Kuroo asked with his cheshire grin. Kenma rolled his eyes at the scene, but subtly watched on anyway.

“You’re going to love this, Kuroo-san!” Lev exclaimed, and he shoved his hand back in the bag. He shuffled around for a moment before pulling out a keychain and quickly handing it to Kuroo. The ex-captain was confused for a moment, and as he held it up, he could only arch his eyebrows in more confusion.

“Lev what… what is this?” he asked, squinting at the custom made keychain with a photo of Kenma encased inside the square bit of plastic. In the photo he was making that sour face he always did when he was simply done with people’s antics.

“Is that me…?” Kenma asked, craning his neck to get a better look at the object in Kuroo’s hand.

“Yeah! You’re heading off to university down south, right Kuroo-san? I thought you’d be lonely without Kenma-san to scold you,” Lev explained with the happiest of smiles. There wasn’t a single bit of ill intent behind his gift and despite its strangeness, Kuroo completely understood Lev’s meaning.

“I’ll put it on my keys right now. Thanks, Lev!” Kuroo said with a chuckle.

“You’re not allowed to put that on anything,” Kenma said.

“Aw, come on! This face is a classic!” Kuroo said as he stepped over to give Kenma a closer look at his present.

“Where did he even get that picture…?” Kenma muttered.

Lev seemed pleased so far with the reactions he had received, but there was still one last person to give to.

“Ah! Where’s Yaku-san?” Lev asked happily.

Yaku gulped slightly at the sound of his name, as the butterflies in his stomach practically flew into his mouth. He gulped back some soda, trying to be as casual as possible before being spotted. He shifted his gaze to notice that Inuoka and Shibayama were pointing in his direction and then soon after that he lifted his line of sight to see the most joyful smile on Lev’s face. He felt his cheeks burn just a bit.

“There you are, Yaku-san! I could barely see you over there!”

Of course, the moment was lost thanks to Lev’s lack of tact. Yaku crushed the now empty cup in his hand and tossed it sharply at Lev’s head.

“Aah! Yaku-saan!” Lev whined when the cup hit him with a light thunk on his head. “I have a gift for you too, though!” he exclaimed, completely oblivious to why Yaku had thrown the cup in the first place. Lev took the bag in his hands and stepped over to where Yaku was sitting, taking the seat next to him. Everybody else seemed to be distracted by other things at that point, like Yamamoto listing out all the uses for Kai’s sea grape jelly to his teammates, so Yaku basically felt alone with Lev next to the wall.

“So, what kind of thing could you have possibly gotten me?” Yaku sighed, pushing away his nervousness at the close proximity. Lev was so tall it was inevitable that his stupid knees would bump against Yaku’s. Stupid knees attached to pretty legs…

“You’re going to love this, Yaku-san!” he said, putting his hand into the bag to pull out the gift.

Yaku basically held his breath. It was going to be something silly like the last two, there was no way he could-...

“Tada!” Lev exclaimed as he finally pulled the gift out. Yaku blinked at it for a moment.

“It’s a…”

“A wool hat!” Lev said brightly. “You’re heading up north for university, right, senpai? I thought you could use this when it gets too cold out…” he explained, his voice going a bit quieter as he did so. His sharp and excited expression also softened as he ran his thumbs over the bright red garment. It even seemed like he was looking at the hat rather fondly, if Yaku wasn’t mistaken.

The ex-libero wasn’t too sure what to say, however. His glance shifted between Lev and the hat, heart fluttering because the gift was anything but stupid. In fact, it was absolutely thoughtful and Yaku didn’t know what to do because he hadn’t had the chance to see this side of Lev before. One that actually thought things through and acted accordingly. Truth be told, that wasn’t a side Yaku expected from Lev, and the first year hadn’t needed to do that in order to capture Yaku’s attention, but it definitely didn’t hurt.

Well, maybe it did a little because Yaku felt his silly crush squeeze his heart even tighter than it had before... 

“Th-thank you, Lev,” Yaku said, his voice a little overwhelmed through all of his thoughts. He reached out to take the hat into his hands but was stopped by Lev’s sudden perkiness.

“You like it, Yaku-san!?” he practically yelped. Yaku flinched backwards.

“Yes!” he yelped back, overcome by embarrassment and fright. His gaze quickly caught Lev’s blinding smile. The boy was always generally happy, but there was something different about this bout of happiness. It seemed to be laced with relief for some reason…

Lev curled his fingers around the brim of the hat, opening it up.

“Do you want to try it on? We should make sure it fits!”

“Oh, sure.”

Yaku bowed his head slightly to give Lev the go ahead, though Lev overshot his force and ended up shoving the whole hat down over Yaku’s face.

“Levbbmpph!” Yaku scolded, muffled by the hat over his mouth.

“Ah! Sorry, senpai. I don’t know my own strength!” Lev apologized, taking his force off of the hat and gently rolling it back up so that it sat neatly on top of Yaku’s head. His hand lingered where it grasped the brim as Yaku was finally able to open his eyes. He felt rather frozen in place. Lev’s face was far closer than it had any right to be, but Yaku was mostly focused on those beautiful green eyes that were on his level for a change.

What were words? How could one even speak when their breath was stuck in their throat? Speaking should have been easy enough, and yet opening his mouth sounded like the most difficult thing in the world. It was made even more difficult when Lev let go of the hat’s brim in favor of running his hand softly over the top of Yaku’s head, patting down the wool and making sure everything was properly in place.

“It looks nice on you, Yaku-san,” Lev said, his voice sweet and quieter than Yaku had ever heard it. In that moment, it felt like he was in a different world with Lev, the bustling sounds of the rest of the team merely distant murmurs compared to the loud buzzing in his ears. There was something gentle cradling them, something warm, and Lev still hadn’t taken his hand away. Yaku most definitely couldn’t deny that there was something between them. There had to be, and yet his only viable option was to ignore it, as hard as that was.

“Um…” Yaku managed to make a sound, but was almost sent into cardiac arrest when a jar of jelly went flying through the air and cracked open against the wall behind Lev.

“Ah!” Yamamoto yelped.

“Hey!” Kuroo called. “What was that for?”

“Sorry, Kuroo! It slipped out of my hands,” Yamamoto nervously explained.

“He was a bit too enthusiastic over item twenty on his list of things sea grape jelly could be used for,” Shibayama shyly added.

“My jelly…” Kai muttered.

“I’ll clean it up right away!”

“I’ll get some napkins…” Kuroo sighed.

Yaku supposed it was all part of the charm of a Nekoma party, though he couldn’t help but feel a little robbed of his moment with Lev.

Then again, what was that moment even supposed to be? What did Yaku even aim to accomplish through indulging in such a moment? Even if Lev liked him back, there was nothing Yaku could do. If he had ever wanted to give a relationship with Lev a shot, he’d want to be there to nurture it, spend time with Lev and get to know him through something more than just receiving practices. Yaku was leaving for Hokkaido in a week and there was nothing he could do about it, so anything that could have been…

...Yaku didn’t want to think about it. He was certain life was about to be stressful enough without having his first relationship be long distance. He simply figured that if anything was meant to be, it would happen on its own later, when he was ready for that kind of commitment in his life.

“Say, Yaku-san?” Lev asked, snapping the ex-libero back to reality.

“Yeah?”

“Can I walk you to the station after the party?”

Yaku’s eyes fluttered in surprise.

“Um… I don’t really need an escort, Lev,” he said, but upon seeing the way Lev’s shoulders slumped at his words, his heart wouldn’t let him just leave it at that. “...But I guess, if you really want to, you can,” he added, and Lev perked right back up.

“Ah! Thank you, Yaku-san! Just let me know whenever you’re ready to leave!” he exclaimed, quickly getting distracted by his other teammates still seated at the coffee table. “Kai-san! Don’t worry, I have extra jars if you need more,” he said, getting up off his chair and heading over to sit with everyone else.

Yaku sighed and tilted his head back, resting it against the wall, the added padding of his new hat making it all more comfortable.

Just one last night.

He’d walk with Lev, say see you later and that would be it. He could do that.

Yaku brought his hand up to touch at the soft wool of the hat. Well, maybe it would be a little more difficult than that…

 

+++

 

“Thank you so much for having us over, Kuroo-san!” Lev exclaimed as he was putting his jacket on at the door. Mostly everyone had left already. Kenma was still tapping away at his game in the same corner he had been all night and Yamamoto was still picking up shards of glass from the rug. Yaku passed beside Kuroo to start putting on his shoes.

“It’s no problem,” Kuroo said with a grin. “Thanks for everything, Lev,” he added, holding out his fist.

Lev’s smile grew about five sizes before excitedly bumping Kuroo’s fist in return.

“You were a great captain! Oh! You’ll come see us in the next tournament, right?”

“I wouldn’t miss it!”

Yaku finally finished tying his sneakers and stood up to give Kuroo his own goodbyes.

“Well,” Yaku started, looking up at Kuroo and not really knowing what to say.

“Now, Yaku. I don’t wanna hear any thank yous for the past three years or anything like that,” Kuroo said. Yaku smirked.

“Really, Kuroo? A big softie like you?” Yaku teased.

“Pffft, c’mere,” Kuroo laughed, pulling Yaku in for a hug. Yaku hugged him in return, patting Kuroo on the back for good measure.

“You take care down south, alright?” Yaku said as he pulled out of the hug.

“Don’t worry about me. Make sure you don’t get buried in snow up in Hokkaido,” Kuroo retorted.

“It’ll be okay, Kuroo-san! If Yaku-san gets buried under a snow drift, they’ll be able to find him because of the hat I gave him!” Lev interjected as he pointed at it sitting atop Yaku’s head.

Yaku couldn’t help but furrow his brow at the ground and blush slightly because he was still wearing the hat in question. Kuroo looked between the two with a knowing smirk and arch of his brow, but it merely melted into a fond smile as he casually leaned against the wall.

“Well, good luck to the both of you,” he said. “Have a good night! I’m sure I’ll see you both soon enough.”

“See you later, Kuroo-san!” Lev chirped.

“See you, Kuroo,” Yaku said with a short wave and with that, the duo turned and left through the door.

The evening was unseasonably chilly, especially so with the sharp breeze that was blowing about, but Yaku could deal with that. Sure, he hadn’t expected a spring evening to be so cold, but it wasn’t that much of a walk to the train station, and he did have a new hat!

“Kuroo-san can sure throw a fun party, huh, Yaku-san?” Lev said.

“Yes,” Yaku replied lamely for he had been trying desperately to forget that he was now alone with Lev, walking the neighborhood's empty streets at night. He couldn’t help but wonder why Lev had offered to walk with him in the first place. He kept coming back to what he wanted the reason to be and at the same time, really hoped that it wasn’t, for his own sake.

There was a pause, but Lev tried his best to pick up the conversation where it stalled.

“So, you like your hat after all?” he asked.

Yaku could tell that Lev was putting in the effort towards a conversation, so he decided to try his best as well. This _was_ going to be their last night together…

“Yeah, I do,” Yaku replied “Um… where did you get it? The yarn is really soft.”

“Ah! Well, I actually made it myself!” Lev declared, stepping forward and posing in front of Yaku, proudly pointing his thumb towards himself. It took Yaku a moment to realize what Lev had just uttered.

“You…? You can knit?” Yaku asked, rather surprised at this new tid-bit. He felt his stomach dip just a bit at the thought of Lev putting in so much effort on his account.

“Yeah! My dad taught me how!” Lev exclaimed as they continued their walk towards the train station.

“Your dad, huh? That’s pretty cool. So uh… how many tries did it take before you got it right?” Yaku asked, taking a moment to touch at the hat again. It was definitely well made. He couldn’t believe that Lev had knitted it himself.

“Well uh…” Lev began, hesitant as he trailed off into a nervous giggle. Yaku looked over to see the taller boy bashfully rubbing the back of his head. “Okay, well the one you’re wearing is mostly my dad’s work, but do you have any idea how hard it is to knit a hat?”

The image of Lev tangled in heaps of yarn flashed through Yaku’s head and the shorter boy couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought. He gave Lev a friendly pat on the back.

“I can imagine,” Yaku said, looking up and giving Lev a smile as he let his hand linger on the taller boy’s back for just a moment longer. He really had to stop himself because between the clear night sky, the chilliness making them walk more closely than usual, and Lev being the sweetest Yaku had ever seen him, he knew he was teetering on a dangerous line that he didn’t want to cross. Not tonight, not under these circumstances...

But the way Lev smiled back made Yaku want to melt. His sharp features were softened by the moon’s light and the darkness made his eyes look ever so gentle…

“Maybe I can teach you sometime!” Lev said as their stroll took them through a small park. “You’re going to need a lot of warm things for Hokkaido, after all.”

Yaku’s smile grew a touch sad. “Well, yeah, but I leave for Hokkaido in a week, Lev. You’d have to become quite the expert really quickly.”

“I can become the ace of knitting in a week!” Lev exclaimed, but Yaku’s melancholic expression only caused Lev’s to grow a little sad as well. Yaku supposed he had just forgotten about how little time they actually had left together…

“Say, senpai…” Lev spoke up again after a moment, stopping once more. The halt in their pace made Yaku a little nervous, but he stood in front of Lev anyway. “...You’ll, um… You’ll visit, right? Maybe come to the next tournament with Kuroo-san?”

“Ah…” Yaku wasn’t exactly sure what Lev’s intention was with his question but he tried his best to answer it anyway. “...I’m actually not sure, Lev. I mean, I’d love to come see it, but you know how life goes…”

“R-right! I understand!” Lev chirped.

Yaku wondered if that was going to be it. Once they were through the park, the station was just on the other side and that would be the end of it.

“Um! You have my e-mail, right, Yaku-san? I have yours. I can send you a play-by-play of all our games!”

Yaku couldn’t help but smile fondly at Lev’s idea.

“You should probably keep your eyes on the court and not your phone, Lev,” he teased.

“Yeah, but…” Lev mumbled and Yaku could tell that he was trying to get something else off of his chest. Yaku thought that maybe now wasn’t the time for jokes, but with the direction their conversation was taking, it was all he could do from taking a step forward and pulling Lev down for a kiss.

He did take that step forward though, deciding instead to place a friendly hand on Lev’s arm and giving it a comforting pat.

“Send me as many updates as you want, Lev,” he said, even if he knew it would be hard to see the taller boy’s cheerful texts daily and not actually be next to him anymore. His saying that alone was enough to make a smile break over Lev’s face in the moment, so he supposed it was worth it.

“Send me as many as you want as well, Yaku-san!” Lev exclaimed. Without thinking, Lev let his hand rest atop Yaku’s that was still on his arm. Yaku felt a rush of heat dash up his cheeks, but Lev seemed completely oblivious to this as he yanked Yaku’s hand off and held it up between them with vigor. “Ah! Your hands are frozen! How will you ever survive the winter if you can’t even make it through tonight!?”

“I-I’m fine, Lev. Really…” Yaku muttered, too embarrassed to do much more than that.

Lev let go of Yaku’s hand and started to frantically shimmy out of his jacket, turning on his toe and looking like he was doing a stupid dance he was so excited to get the garment off.

“My jacket!” Lev yelled and quickly tossed it over Yaku’s head without any grace at all.

“Well thanks, Lev. That’s the second time you’ve buried my face in clothes tonight,” Yaku deadpanned from underneath the jacket. He heard Lev sputter before the taller boy took the edges of the jacket into his hands and aimed to fix it around Yaku’s shoulders.

“There. Warmer, Yaku-san?”

Yaku wanted to know who was looking down on him from above to be blessed with such an evening. However, as he threaded his arms into large jacket sleeves that went way past his hands, he still had that underlying dread in his chest; he could feel that something would burst if this went on…

“Yes,” Yaku said simply as he turned away from Lev to start walking again. They were almost out of the park, almost home free and Yaku ran a dozen conversations through his head on how he was going to end the night. That is until a sudden gust of wind blew past, tearing the red hat from Yaku’s head and sending it up in the air.

“Ah!” he exclaimed once he felt it snatched by the breeze, and he tried his best to nab it in midair, but the wind was far too quick and it blew the hat up into a nearby tree.

“Well, at least it didn’t get lost, right?” Lev said cheerfully. Yaku couldn’t help but scowl at the situation however, because it was way too far up in the branches for even Lev to grab, much less himself.

“Yeah, but I’m not sure how to get it down…” Yaku said, folding his arms as he pondered the situation.

“You can get on my shoulders, Yaku-san!”

“What,” Yaku said flatly, trying not to be offended because he was certain Lev didn’t mean it as a jab on his height that time. Neither of them were tall enough for this.

 “Yeah, it’ll be fine! Just hop on,” Lev assured, crouching down in front of Yaku without another thought. The ex-libero was still highly skeptical.

"Lev, didn’t you and Kenma total your faces trying to do this before?”

“Well yeah, but I’ll be better this time!” Lev exclaimed. “Besides, I’d never let you fall, Yaku-san,” he added, his voice gentle as he looked back to grace Yaku with a smile.

Yaku was still hesitant, but he _did_ want to get his hat out of the tree. He supposed it wouldn’t be too bad. He took a deep breath.

“Alright, Lev. But I’m kicking you double if you drop me,” Yaku said. He then stepped forward to maneuver his legs over Lev’s shoulders. It took some awkward climbing, but he finally managed to nestle his legs around the first year’s neck. Shakily, Lev lifted himself up to his feet, holding onto Yaku’s knees as the smaller boy was lifted taller than he could have ever dreamed to be.

“Bet you never thought you’d see a view like this, huh, senpai?” Lev joked.

“Lev, I swear to God,” Yaku warned, about to pinch Lev’s ear but deciding against it for fear of falling.

“Don’t worry, senpai!” laughed the first year, seemingly having a blast even if he was swaying back and forth with the added height on his shoulders. Yaku’s reflexes kicked in, his hands jerking to grab at the backs of Lev’s that were still holding his knees. His adrenaline had kicked in so hard that Yaku didn’t even piece together that he was effectively holding Lev’s hands. Not that it mattered when his life was on the line here.

“Ugh, Lev! Steady! I’ll never be able to grab it like this.”

“Okay. Steady. Just like a rock,” Lev said, finally getting his balance back, allowing Yaku to slowly creep out of his hold and reach up towards the stranded hat hanging on the tree branch.

“Yeah… rock…” Yaku muttered as he concentrated on his task. This was going to end poorly, he could feel it in his bones, but he reached upwards to the best of his abilities anyway.

He put a hand on Lev’s head to steady himself as he reached as high as he could go, finally snatching the hat between his fingers. However, Yaku shifting his weight and leaning forward caused Lev to tilt ahead as well and Yaku felt his legs slide sideways into the shift. His body quickly twisted around and Yaku’s stomach flipped up into his throat because he was certain his back was going to break against the pavement below.

“LEV!” he yelled.

Luckily, Lev’s reflexes snapped into action, and before Yaku could truly slip anywhere, he had caught him tightly around the waist and shoulders, holding the boy at his eye level. Suddenly, Yaku wasn’t thinking about hitting the pavement or falling, because all of that fear had been replaced with a breath of anticipation at being so close to Lev, snug in his arms.

Lev didn’t move and neither did Yaku as his feet dangled limply below him. Yaku’s hands were fisted tightly in the fabric of Lev’s shirt, just below the taller boy’s collarbone.

“I…” Lev started, looking just as stunned as Yaku was feeling. “I told you I wouldn’t let you fall.”

Lev’s voice was so gentle when he spoke, quiet even, and Yaku felt a shiver run through his body as the sound tickled his ears. It had nothing to do with the cold that time, not when all he knew in that moment was warmth.

“N-nice receive…” Yaku practically whispered, his gaze left in a trance along with Lev’s. He would have been stuck in it forever had it not been for Lev glancing down for a second at Yaku’s lips. That short look was all it took to shake Yaku from his daze, but he had no time to get away, because just as he had come to his realization, Lev had moved forward and placed a soft, fleeting kiss against the corner of Yaku’s mouth.

Yaku felt frozen by the delicate touch, his whole body going stiff in Lev’s arms. It was so warm where Lev had kissed him, and all he could feel was a slight tingle left behind on his skin.

He watched as Lev pulled his head back, his dazed expression quickly snapping into a sheepish grin. He chuckled lightly and rested his forehead against Yaku’s.

“You’ll have to excuse me, Yaku-san. I still need to work on my accuracy,” Lev explained as he shyly looked down.

Yaku couldn’t think anymore. No thought could replace the very real boy who was still holding him and refused to let go.

Yaku let go of Lev’s shirt, leaving the retrieved hat resting between them. A slave to the moment, Yaku threaded his fingers through Lev’s hair and when that made the taller boy look up, Yaku dove in for the real deal. Countless days of wanting to just smash their lips together, and finally it was actually happening.

Yaku heard a muffled hum in Lev’s throat, possibly from the shock of Yaku’s sudden movement, though it could have also been linked to Lev’s decision to step forward and rest Yaku’s back against the tree that was near them. Upon feeling the support of the rigid trunk, Yaku’s legs moved on their own, wrapping around Lev’s waist as his hands untangled themselves from the silver hair and made their way to cup Lev’s face.

Lev let his lips part shyly at the feeling of Yaku’s fingers running along his jawline, and though neither of them were bold enough to start using tongue, the glide of their mouths pecking fervently together was enough to make their feelings very clear.

Yaku’s breaths came out quickly through his nose, and between the sweet kisses and actually not having touched the ground in minutes, he honestly felt like he was floating in a dream. A dream where Lev gave him gifts, where he could wear Lev’s jacket and be held by him at the same time. A dream where Lev’s kisses were surprisingly subdued and gentle, albeit plentiful. A dream that was all too real and yet…

...He had to wake up from it.

Lev leaned in close for one final lingering smooch, brushing his fingers gently over Yaku’s cheek while he still supported the boy with his other arm. He breathed it in, savoured it, and Yaku could only do the same.

Finally, Lev pulled his lips away, and what Yaku saw when he finally opened his eyes was probably the most gorgeous smile he had ever seen on Lev’s face.

“Yaku-san…” he said, his voice breathy and full of wonder, as if he couldn’t believe what just happened. “Oh, Yaku-san, I… I’m so happy you like me too!” he exclaimed.

“I…”

As Yaku could feel himself slipping back to the ground, so was his high. He would have loved to say it.

_I like you, Lev. I’ve liked you for months. That kiss was amazing. You’re such a great kisser._

_...Kiss me again._

But he couldn’t.

“I’m sorry, Lev,” Yaku said as his feet finally felt the ground again. Lev still hovered close to him, but Yaku managed to slip to the side, taking a few steps away, hat in hand.

“S-sorry…?”

Yaku winced. He could still hear Lev’s smile and was afraid to turn around  for fear of seeing it slip away. Lev’s smile had been so gorgeous. He didn’t want to see him frown…

“Lev…” Yaku started, trying with all his might to come up with something to say. Anything. He then decided to turn around because Lev didn’t deserve to hear his explanation from his back. Yaku was a man, he could look Lev in the eyes and tell him the truth. “...I like you. My heart’s actually beating like crazy right now, but…”

Yaku was stalling, still having trouble with his words. To his surprise, however, Lev stood perfectly still and looked at Yaku with all the patience and attention in the world.

“Lev, I’m leaving. And it’s not just to the other side of town, it’s across the country. I know for a fact that university is going to kill me with the workload and you…” he paused, stopping to read Lev’s expression but it still hadn’t changed. “...You deserve so much better than that. You deserve somebody who’ll actually be here for you.”

“But I want _you_ , Yaku-san,” Lev said simply, his expression shifting into a gentle sadness, though there was still a small smile on his lips.

“Lev… This… This wasn’t supposed to happen this way.”

“Could it have?”

Lev’s question sparked at Yaku’s ears and made his stomach fumble around. The answer to that one was probably the hardest truth to swallow, but Yaku knew he had to spit it out.

“Yeah,” Yaku replied, a hitch in his breath. “If we were both in the same place then I wouldn’t think twice.”

At his words, Lev looked a bit winded. His eyes fluttered, looking to the side and then down at his feet. His normally neat hair had been flung about in the wind and was hanging haphazardly over his face. Yaku opened his mouth to say something more, but Lev made eye contact with him before he could get any words out.

Lev was smiling.

Though, the tears in his eyes didn’t compliment it well.

“Well, I’m happy to know how you feel at least,” Lev said, taking a step forward to pull Yaku into a warm embrace.

Yaku didn’t think he could handle getting any more affection from Lev, because with each touch he was a step closer to cancelling all of his plans for the rest of his life. Lev squeezed tightly and then finally pulled back, not staying longer than needed.

“You um… You can keep my jacket, alright, Yaku-san?” Lev said, spotting the hat in Yaku’s hand. He reached for it and took it into his hands, placing it on Yaku’s head gently this time. He smoothed out the wool and then let his large hands slide to cup at Yaku’s face. “And we’ll still be friends! Right? I’ll still text you everyday even if we’re not… d-dating.”

  
  


 

“I’d like that, Lev. I’ll try to text as much as I can…” Yaku said, his voice a little ragged and unsure. He said it, but he still wasn’t certain if he’d be able to hold up his end of it. It was that reason that made dating not an option in the first place.

“That’s great!” Lev exclaimed. He slipped his hands from Yaku’s face and wiped at his eyes as he stood to his full height again. “Um…” he attempted to continue, running a hand through his hair “...Maybe I should just, let you go to the station, I uh-...”

Yaku understood. He could see the glistening veil creep in over Lev’s eyes again, and he looked lost. The smaller boy simply took a step forward and gave Lev a kick in the back like he always did, shooting a smile up at his shocked face.

“Take care, Lev,” Yaku said atop the lump in his throat.

“You too, Yaku-san,” Lev said softly, giving him a smile before turning to walk away.

The whole thing felt abrupt, bittersweet and unfinished, and as Yaku stepped into the train station, he knew his heart was already clinging to a million regrets…

He supposed only time would tell how long that would last...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we end off the first chapter on a high note! :D ...That emote masks tears, I am very sorry. I also broke my own heart more by drawing that piece up there.
> 
> As always, any and all feedback is welcome because I love to hear what you guys think! C: And feel free to come yell at me on Tumblr at any point as well - [HERE](http://sheenaxzelos.tumblr.com/)


	2. Dazzling Emojis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A deep vibration buzzed through the quiet room. It was already past midnight. He wondered who could be trying to message him at a time like that.
> 
> >>So, did you score a new boyfriend tonight, or what? Oh ho ho!
> 
> Yaku cringed at Kuroo’s text message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a formatting monster.
> 
> Thanks to [Vesloth](http://vesloth.tumblr.com//) again for beta reading~

Yaku felt like garbage, laying belly down on his bed with his face buried flat into his pillow. He didn’t even really care about how he was feeling himself. All he could think about was if Lev was doing alright, and the guilt that sprung up each time he thought of _that_ was enough to make him puke.

He shouldn’t have kissed back, just shrugged off what Lev had done, maybe. Yaku sighed. Either way it would have ended up like that, though, he supposed raising Lev’s hopes up higher only made them fall harder. He had been selfish, and now there was nothing left but to deal with the consequences.

A deep vibration buzzed through the quiet room. It was already past midnight. He wondered who could be trying to message him at a time like that.

_**> >So, did you score a new boyfriend tonight, or what? Oh ho ho!** _

Yaku cringed at Kuroo’s text message.

_> >I didn’t. I already told you I wasn’t going to start anything. Not now._

_**> >So you didn’t tell him anything?** _

Yaku stared at the question, fingers hovering over his phone’s keyboard.

_> >Well… that’s not exactly true._

_**> >What!? What happened then!?** _

_> >We kissed, and then I said the timing wasn’t right. It would be too hard._

_**> >Dude…** _

It was only a dumb word, but Yaku could feel the sympathy behind it. Had Kuroo been there, he was certain the ex-captain would have patted his back or something.

**_> >So how did he take it?_ **

_> >How do you think? It’s Lev. He was crying and smiling at the same time…_

_**> >I’ll ask Kenma to keep an eye on him for you.** _

_> >I’m sure he’ll be fine. Two days without a grump like me around and he’ll be back to normal._

_**> >Yaku.** _

Again, a mere word, and yet Yaku could hear Kuroo scolding him through the text. They really _had_ spent a lot of time together over the past three years. Yaku was pretty sure he was being a bit too grumpy with his friend but everything was still so fresh in his mind that he didn’t exactly want to talk about it. He was lucky that Kuroo somehow sensed this too.

_**> >Well, I’ll still do that anyway. Because you’re stubborn. Now go to sleep.** _

Yaku acknowledged the message and moved to set his phone down, however it buzzed one more time before he could take his hand away.

**_> >And can you believe I’m still picking shards of glass out of this carpet!?_ **

_> >Goodnight, Kuroo._

Yaku finally let his phone rest on the night table and promptly plopped himself back on the bed. He’d be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t waiting for a message from Lev, but really, why would the boy be sending him anything? Yaku finally closed his eyes after another hour of silence, and though his lids felt heavy, sleep did not come easy…

 

+++

 

The week to follow was a whirlwind for Yaku, what with packing and extra shopping and his parents getting him to visit nearly the entire family before the big move. All of these tasks to keep him busy and yet Yaku still glanced at his phone every fifteen minutes. He’d get a spare text from Kuroo, a couple from Yamamoto, heck, even one from Kenma (though he was only asking about a game he had lent Yaku a while back), but still none from Lev.

He supposed he couldn’t really expect Lev to text him anything, not after what happened. At least not right away. Yaku had toyed with the idea of sending him a message first, but every time he opened up the chat thread, his thumbs froze. What could he possibly say that would make this better? If he was being honest, nothing. But, he was in danger of losing whatever thread of friendship he had left with Lev and that wasn’t something he wanted.

Yaku had hesitated long enough that it came to his last night in Tokyo and he still hadn’t said anything.

And it was late…

...And he didn’t know what to do with himself.

Yaku was in the middle of a deep sigh when he saw his phone light up next to him. His heart jumped far too quickly as his arm flung out to snatch it.

_**> >Ready for ye olde move?** _

Yaku let out the breath he had apparently been holding at Kuroo’s text. Right, who else ever messaged him this late?

_> >Kuroo, what does that even mean?_

_**> >Idk, thought it sounded cool. But yeah. Are you all set? Excited?** _

_> >Kind of._

Yaku’s response had been simple for there were far too many layers of thoughts to type out in a single message. He was pretty confident Kuroo could figure it out.

_**> >You’re still agitated, aren’t you?** _

_> >Well yeah. I haven’t heard from Lev in a week, how else am I supposed to feel?_

_**> >Fair enough. Kenma told me he’s been acting fairly normal all week, but it seems like he’s holding something back.** _

_> >Well that makes me feel a lot better. Thanks._

_**> >Oi, cut the sarcasm! That stings.** _

_> >Sorry._

_**> >I’m just saying you should text him. He’s probably scared to make the first move. I know he’s bold, but you can be pretty intimidating.** _

_> >Now that stings._

_**> >If you can joke with me, you can text Lev. Come on, Yaku.** _

_> >You’re right._

_**> >Good. Now have a good trip tomorrow and throw me a message when you’re settled. I wanna see what your dorm looks like!** _

_> >Yeah sure. Thanks Kuroo._

Yaku sat at the edge of his bed, phone clutched between hesitant hands as he tapped from Kuroo’s chat thread to Lev’s. Kuroo had most definitely been right. If Yaku truly didn’t want his friendship with Lev to end then he’d have to take the initiative…

...Though that still didn’t help him with his words.

He scrolled up on Lev’s chat thread a bit, reading what they had last spoken about.

Lev had been asking about his favourite colour, and Yaku only just then realized that the crimson he had mentioned was the same colour as the hat he had been gifted. The one now packed away with an overly large jacket in one of his suit cases somewhere. His lips turned upward into a small smile at the thought, he couldn’t help it. Lev was so kind when you got right down to it. Yaku’s heart skipped a beat and twisted all at once because the more he thought about Lev, the more his feelings nagged at him.

Would it be too hard to stay friends with the undercurrent of their feelings thrashing away?

Yaku swallowed as his thumbs hovered over the keyboard again.

It was worth the effort.

_> >So where does one get the supplies for knitting anyway? Is it a specialty store or…_

Yaku hit send and immediately cringed. _Why?_ Why after everything that happened and a whole week since then had his first words been _that?_

He looked over at the clock that just screamed one in the morning and let out an aggressive sigh as he laid back in bed. Why at such an absurdly late hour too? Yaku felt like an idiot and he had no idea what to do with himself.

However, he suddenly felt his phone vibrate in his hand and he gasped. He had to remember to hold back the stutter in his chest though because the message could have easily been from Kuroo again. He sucked in a breath and clenched his eyes shut as he brought his phone back in front of his face. He paused just a moment longer before letting that breath go and opening his eyes.

He completely forgot about the sting the bright light of the screen had brought him because the message he saw brought him more relief than he even thought he needed.

_**> >Yaku-san!! My dad told me most department stores have stuff for it, but specialty stores have a lot of experts that will help you if you’re just starting out! Are you going to learn how to knit, Yaku-san!? My dad has a ton of patterns I can send you if you’re interested!!** _

It was so bright and full of energy and so _Lev_ that Yaku couldn’t help but feel a rush of warm joy flood his face. He wondered for a second if maybe the text was masking something, but just the thought of there being a chance that they could still be friends was enough to kick that doubt away. Yaku lifted his thumbs to reply but Lev beat him to the punch.

_**> >Ah, but Yaku-san, aren’t you moving tomorrow? Why are you up so late?** _

Yaku wondered how Lev still managed to stop him from getting a word in even via messages. He rolled his eyes, but the thought still made him smile.

_> >I could say the same to you. Don’t you have school tomorrow?_

_**> >It’s only a half day, I can manage! You have a long journey to prepare for though, senpai, you should rest!!** _

Yaku chuckled softly at the message.

_> >Don’t worry, I’m headed to bed now. And you don’t have to call me senpai anymore._

He had meant for the message to be light hearted, but as soon as Yaku hit send, he was fairly sure that sounded rude. Flustered and with twitching hands, Yaku tried to think as fast as he could to soften what had already been sent.

“A-ah…” he stammered out loud before hitting send again.

_> > :)_

Yaku buried his face in his hand and groaned. When did he ever send smiley faces to people? Plus it probably looked insane attached to such a grim sounding message. He flinched when he felt the phone vibrate in his hand again.

_**> >Ha ha! I guess you’re right, Yaku-san! I’ll probably still slip up though. And is that a smiley face!? I didn’t know you used emoji, Yaku-san! To think I’ve been holding back this whole time! ** _ **☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆**

Yaku wasn’t quite sure how to process that message but he _did_ know he was drowning in stars and smiles. Kuroo had been right about him being intimidating, it seemed. To think that Lev had been holding back on using something he did all the time on _his_ account was enough of an indication. Yaku really needed to lighten up at some point…

_> >Yeah, I don’t really use them but I mean, you can. It doesn’t bother me or anything._

_**> > ** _ **ヽ(ﾟ〇ﾟ)ﾉ** _**Wow, really!? I’ll keep that in mind then!** _

Yaku began to relax against his mattress as he stared at the newly lightened text messages. It was amazing how much more they sounded like Lev with some added dashes and characters and Yaku really liked that.

_> >Yeah, they suit you._

_**> > ** _ **(*/▽＼*)** _**Yaku-saaaan! That’s enough! You really should go to sleep now.** _

Yaku took a moment to look up that emoji before responding. Upon finding out that it was supposed to be blushing, Yaku wondered if these added faces were going to be something he could even handle. Lev was so cute…

_> >I will, Lev. And um… thanks for texting back._

Yaku was certain he had destroyed any light mood there may have been between them with those words but he had to let Lev know just how relieved he was that they were still on speaking terms.

_**> >Thanks for texting me, Yaku-san. I’ve been nervous all week about bothering you because you had a lot of things to do, but I’m so happy you messaged me! ** _ **(⌒ω⌒)**

Yaku found it hard to believe that was Lev’s only reason for not texting him over the week, but he wasn’t going to push it. They were still talking and that’s all that mattered.

_> >I’ll try not to be a stranger. Have a good night, Lev._

_**> >I will, thank you! Good night, Yaku-san!! ** _ **(・∀・)ノ**

Yaku hit a button to shut his phone’s screen off and smiled into the darkness. Everything suddenly felt so peaceful and far less desperate than it had before. In fact the whole exchange had been so easy that Yaku wondered if maybe he had made a mistake in turning down a long distance relationship with Lev.

He thought about how much his heart could jump upon receiving one of his messages and how each silly emoji would probably just endear Lev to him all the more. He thought about how good it would be to video chat with Lev at the end of a long day, to see his face and just talk. They’d talk about their days and the future they could possibly have…

It was huge and made Yaku’s heart flutter with a certain anticipation, but it didn’t go without the extra stomach churning queasiness.

Missed chat dates, either of them getting too busy for the other, no physical contact to keep them grounded…

...Either of them meeting and falling for somebody else that they could actually be next to everyday…

All of those reasons still clouded Yaku’s head and heart.

Yaku tucked his pillow under his head and crawled beneath the bed covers to finally try getting some sleep. He supposed he’d just have to test the bonds of their friendship first. If they could keep up their texting as friends then Yaku would officially ask Lev out soon enough. He was sure his heart could work this out for him.

He just hoped that Lev would still be interested when the time came…

 

+++

 

If Yaku could have gone back in time to make a bet with himself over whether or not university was going to completely destroy him, he just wouldn’t do that. He’d go back in time to warn himself that it would be even _more_ overwhelming than he already thought it would be. There was just so much to prepare for and keep in mind in such a short amount of time that he could barely keep up.

“Looks like somebody hasn’t been eating proper meals,” said a soothing voice behind Yaku. He had been running an errand for one of his professors during orientation and was sluggishly trying to open the door of his dorm room when he had heard it, a soft voice that sounded ever so familiar.

“Sugawara?” Yaku asked, voice exhausted but thrilled all at once. He had been living in the dorms for no less than a week, how had he _not_ noticed that Sugawara was living across the hall? At least, he could only assume that he was living there. If not then Sugawara had a strange habit of shuffling through random halls in far off cities while sporting pyjamas and holding his toothbrush in a tight fist.

“The one and only! Well, I’m sure there’s plenty of Sugawaras out there… Which is why you should be calling me Suga, neighbor,” Suga rambled on with a breezy grin. For some reason just looking at Suga’s face brought Yaku some peace and he couldn’t help but smile back through a small sigh.

“Well it’s good to know I’ll have reasonable neighbors,” Yaku said, “but um… yeah, I actually haven’t eaten anything today. Orientation has been crazy.”

“Tell me about it,” Suga replied, leaning his back against the wall. “Though, as important as it is to make a good first impression you shouldn’t wear yourself down into the dirt,” he finished with a sympathetic smile. Yaku rubbed the back of his head. Suga was the mother of all caretakers it seemed.

“You’re not wrong. Ugh, I haven’t even had a chance to contact anybody since I moved in I’ve been so busy.”

“Well then!” Suga exclaimed, a bit of mischief creeping into his grin. “How about you go do that and I’ll bring you something to eat. I bought a big lunch and have a ton of leftovers if you’re interested.”

Yaku was sure that his face completely washed over in sleepy bliss.

“Really? That sounds amazing to be honest. I’ll be sure to pay you back at some point,” he said, finally unlocking his door. “I’ll leave the door unlocked, just come on in when you’re ready.”

Suga gave Yaku a wave and slipped into his own room soon after. Once Yaku had made it inside his sparse little world, he immediately plopped face down on the bed, being careful not to get pulled into the abyss of sleep before Suga came by with some food and conversation. Yaku hadn’t had the time to feel particularly lonely yet but he was happy to know that he had a friend in Suga just across the hall if he needed the company.

Yaku sat up and took a deep breath, slapping a bit of the sleep out of his face as he reached for his phone with his other hand. It was dead, of course it was, so he plugged it in and turned it on and was immediately assaulted by dings and vibrations galore.

“Agh…” Yaku groaned out loud, swiping down his list of notifications and trying to sort through them as he scanned down the pile.

He replied to his parents first, promising that he would call them as soon as he had gotten a decent night’s sleep. He then looked at the next stack of messages that were of course, all from Kuroo.

_**> >Yaku, you wouldn’t believe the size of the gym down here!** _

_**> >Volleyball is gonna be amazing! Did you know that the former captain of Aobajousai is gonna be here too? I heard he’s really good, though it could just be old wives’ tales, ohoho.** _

_**> >Dude, how was your trip? You made it right? I haven’t heard from you in ages!** _

_**> >I mean, I know it’s only been like a few days, BUT STILL.** _

Yaku could barely keep up with the onslaught of information, but the jovial texts did make him smile. It made him forget about the very distinct lack of texts from a certain someone at the end of his notification list. Yaku supposed it was still a sore spot and that the ball was still in his court, so to speak. He swallowed as he made the mental note to send Lev a few messages before bed. He still had to make this work…

“Did somebody order leftover veggie stir-fry?” Suga’s smooth voice cooed from the open door. Yaku jumped slightly at the sound, but as the smell of reheated rice and veggies hit his nose, the grumble his stomach made overpowered any sound that surrounded them. Suga looked stunned as he held two plates in his hands.

“I think my stomach did…” Yaku said weakly. Suga laughed and quickly handed the shorter boy a dish full of food. Yaku wasted no time digging in. “Thank you so much,” he said gratefully. Suga waved a dismissing hand as he poked a large piece of broccoli on his plate.

Yaku couldn’t help but shovel a good deal of food into his mouth before he even _tried_ at a conversation, but Suga seemed fine with that. Finally after half of his plate had been shoveled away, Yaku managed to mash out a few questions through a full mouth.

“Sho, any ofer fird yearsh fr-”

“Please swallow before even attempting to say Karasuno,” Suga gently warned. Yaku chuckled slightly while swallowing back his food.

“Sorry about that,” he said hoarsely. He cleared his throat before moving on. “Is there anybody else from Karasuno here?”

“Nope! Just me so far, though I heard that Noya might be trying for this school next year,” Suga explained. Yaku’s eyes lit up.

“Oh! That’d be really cool if he did,” Yaku said before eating a little more.

“Yeah! As far as the third years go though, Asahi stayed local for now, though he might be transferring schools at some point. He’s on the fence. And Daichi went south for-”

Suga was suddenly cut off by Yaku’s vibrating phone. Without even thinking, Yaku pulled it out and checked the screen only to be met by an ever so smug selfie with a caption that read:

_**> >Look who I found!** _

Behind Kuroo’s blurry nest of hair was a very shocked looking Sawamura. Yaku couldn’t help but laugh, his shoulders slumping as he held up his phone for Suga to see.

“Volleyball?”

“Oh my goodness…” Suga breathed “...please don’t tell me that…”

“Three previous volleyball captains ended up in the same place? Yes…” Yaku said, unable to wipe the incredulous smile off of his face.

“Oh God… Three?” Suga groaned, but it morphed into a hearty bit of laughter that Yaku couldn’t help but join in on. “The college volleyball circuit is going to be nuts for the next few years.”

“You got that right,” Yaku said, chuckling just a bit more before finally finishing off his plate. Once done, he held up the empty dish as well as his camera as if lining up a shot. “Do you mind if I…”

Suga could only smile. “Go right ahead!” he beamed.

Yaku then took a photo of a dazzling Suga and their empty plates, quickly getting to work on his reply to Kuroo.

_> >Have fun with all your captains I suppose. I have somebody here who cares about me._

Suga peered down at the message and snickered before Yaku hit send. There was a moment of silence before both of their phones almost simultaneously began vibrating. Yaku looked at his first.

_**> >Aww, no fair! There’s a serious lack of team moms down here. Just a bunch of useless guys...** _

Suga laughed at that one before looking down at his own phone. It was a text from Sawamura, of course.

_**> >Suga! Who on earth are you cooking for!?** _

Suga slapped at his knee he was laughing so hard, as he snorted in his breath.

“I hope those guys will be alright,” Yaku said once he was able to calm down. Suga wiped a tear from his eye.

“They’ll be fine. They might need a care package or two, but they’ll be fine,” Suga said. He stacked the empty plates in a pile as he went on, “So, speaking of being fine, how are you feeling now?”

“A lot better, thanks,” Yaku said. “Again, I owe you one.”

“No big deal, just don’t be a stranger alright?” Suga said with a wink. He then got up with the plates in hand. “Anyway, we’ll have plenty of time to talk later, but you should definitely get some sleep now.”

“Will do! Good night, Suga,” Yaku called as Suga made his way out.

“Good night!” Suga called back before Yaku heard the door close softly behind him. Yaku took a deep breath at his new found quiet.

He realized he didn’t like it all that much…

He had been so tired the past few days that passing out once he immediately got in the door had pushed away any deafening silence. However, now that he had been replenished with a good meal that added at _least_ a few extra hours of energy to burn, Yaku found that getting restless and anxious came far too quickly for his tastes. It was unsettling.

Still, the boy managed to change into his pyjamas and settle into bed. He peered around his dimly lit room. Poorly unpacked suitcases still littered the floor, and he eyed the laptop on his flimsy desk that still hadn’t gotten properly set up with an internet connection. He sighed because there was still so much left to do, but he supposed he was thankful to have at least a few moments to himself and curl up for a bit.

He had exchanged a few texts with Kuroo, most of them consisting of his teasing Sawamura and Oikawa. Yaku was certain that Suga was getting many more annoyed texts from Sawamura and that brought a smile to his face. Once all the excitement had died down, however, Yaku found himself stalling over a very familiar chat thread, one that he desperately wanted to give attention to.

How should he start? It didn’t have to be _that_ hard and Yaku knew that he was overthinking this whole thing immensely. He sighed, deciding on just sending the simplest thing he could.

_> >Hey Lev._

Yaku facepalmed. At least it wasn’t about knitting this time, and at least it was at a decent hour too. Yaku didn’t have to wait long for the deep buzz of his phone to echo through the room.

_**> >Yaku-san! ** _ **(≧▽≦)/** _**Are you all settled!?** _

Yaku smiled in the glow of his phone’s light, unconsciously holding it closer as he curled up into a smaller ball under his bed covers. It almost felt like home when he saw texts like that, as if he was just arriving to the gym for practice and Lev was there to greet him with his happy voice and bold stance.

_> >Not particularly? I still have a lot of unpacking to do and orientation week is kind of kicking my butt with everybody I have to meet and stuff, but it’s good._

_**> >That sounds tough, Yaku-san w(ﾟｏﾟ)w Guess I’ll have to brace myself for when I head to university, huh?** _

_> >Oh yeah, it’s a whole other world for sure. How’s Nekoma holding up?_

_**> >Oh, fine, fine! Everything’s great over here!** _

Yaku didn’t know what it was about that text but he didn’t exactly like the feel of it. It came too quick and without an emoji that Lev seemed so keen on using in every message. Still, he supposed it wasn’t _too_ unusual, right? That suggestion didn’t exactly stop his stomach from twisting though. Yaku thought for a moment, but he typed out a reply as quickly as he could.

_> >That’s good. Still working on those receives I hope!_

_**> >Don’t worry about me, Yaku-san! I’m gonna be the ace, remember?** _

Yaku pursed his lips. There was definitely a certain energy the texts were lacking, but was it really okay of Yaku to ask how Lev was feeling? Was it his place to do that when he was the one who had hurt Lev in the first place?

Was he being selfish by texting Lev like this? What if Lev was only trying to be nice by texting him back and in reality was pushing himself to even do that much?

Yaku started to feel like a hole was opening up underneath him and he seriously felt like diving in to hide forever.

He toyed with the idea of not replying, but then decided that he should just end the conversation in a friendly manner and then just get the details from Kuroo later. When Kuroo says he’ll do something, he always does so Yaku was certain Kenma was still feeding him his observations.

_> >You definitely will be. Keep practicing but don’t overwork yourself, alright? I have to head to bed now, so have a good night!_

_**> >Thank you, Yaku-san! I can’t wait to hear about your classes next time! Sleep well! ** _ **(・∀・)ノ**

At least Lev had used his standard ‘see ya later’ emoji. That was normal, right?

Yaku stared at the text for a while longer before shutting his phone off. He pulled all the bed covers over his head in an attempt to keep all of his doubts from spilling out on the floor…

In that moment, he was certain that not pursuing a long distance relationship had been the right choice, but then why did the guilt seem to steadily climb?

As Yaku finally felt his sleepiness take over his body, he prayed that this would get easier somehow...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, picking out Lev's emojis was probably the most fun I've ever had with a chapter, haha! I hope you guys enjoyed it! I can't promise the next chapter will come as quickly as this one did, but I'm about halfway done with it, so hopefully I'll get it to you guys soon *u* ~
> 
> As always, please tell me what you thought C: - It's great motivation. And if you ever want to yell at me on Tumblr, feel free! - [HERE](http://sheenaxzelos.tumblr.com/)


	3. Practice Makes Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a moment of quiet where Yaku wasn’t really sure if maybe Lev was hesitating or if he didn’t know exactly where the call button was. When the call finally came through, Yaku’s heart jumped into his throat and he inhaled sharply as he hit the answer button. A smile accompanied his exhale for he was now looking at a curious Lev on his screen.
> 
> “Is it… is it working?” Lev asked. He was way too close to the camera, chin and shoulder taking up most of the window. He seemed like he was trying to find something on the screen before him and Yaku could only laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this took so long, but hopefully this chapter makes up for the wait! *u*
> 
> As always, this was beta read by the ever lovely [Vesloth](http://vesloth.tumblr.com/) ~

_> >So he’s really okay? Is Kenma sure?_

_**> >Can you honestly doubt Kenma’s observation skills? I’d trust it.** _

_> >Is it just me then? Can I really not handle this?_

**_> >Well, you’re definitely overthinking things if that’s what you mean, yeah. Calm down, Yaku. Tell me, are you worried about losing contact with me?_ **

_> >With the way you text? I could do with a little less of you._

**_> >Ha ha, very funny. But do you see what I mean? Treat Lev the way you treat me._ **

_> >Yeah, I don’t think Lev would appreciate a joke like that._

**_> >I’m saying relax. Text him normally and nothing really has to change. Just like you and me._ **

Yaku stared at his phone as he pondered what Kuroo was saying. While he skimmed through his thoughts, he came to realize that what he had with Kuroo was pretty different from what he had with Lev. It shouldn’t have been, but it was. He just _knew_ Kuroo better, had known him _longer_ and that brought out a certain level of comfort that he just didn’t have with Lev. He liked the boy a lot and Lev had him completely charmed, but that was definitely far away from the ease a close friendship brought. With Lev, Yaku was always a mess of nerves deep down. That only fed into the fact that Yaku was still fixated on how he messed up and just kept thinking that he was being a nuisance every time he sent Lev a text. Something needed to change...

**_> >And honestly Yaku, this whole assumption thing you have going on is ridiculous. I said I’d get Kenma to keep an eye on Lev for you, but that’s not a replacement for actually talking about your feelings._ **

_> >You’re really meddlesome, you know that?_

**_> >Hardly, I just care._ **

Yaku laid back in his bed, staring at his chat thread with Kuroo, phone raised high above his face. Yaku was only irritated because what Kuroo was saying was the truth, and he couldn’t believe that he was being scolded. Sure, Yaku considered himself mature, but he supposed seriousness was no substitute for being emotionally intelligent. In that regard, he still had some maturing to do. He was afraid of what Lev would say, he was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to handle it. He was afraid of stepping on Lev’s heart again…

...But then he gave Kuroo’s words some honest thought, and figured it was worth a shot. If he could just push any romantic feelings to the side, and just text Lev like a normal person, well, maybe their relationship would simply take flight on its own. With that prospect giving him new determination, Yaku decided that he had wallowed for long enough.

_> >Alright. I’m done with this. Sorry for being difficult, Kuroo._

**_> >It’s no problem at all. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m pretty sure this Oikawa guy has some secret gf he’s been texting and I’ve got to get the details._ **

_> >See? Meddlesome!_

**_> >Ohoho~_ **

Yaku laughed at that one and rolled his eyes. Kuroo would always be Kuroo.

Yaku looked over at the clock - a little after nine in the evening. It had been about two weeks living in the dorms and life had finally started to stabilize again. Well, there was already a large stack of homework next to Yaku’s clock that he was dreading, but it was Sunday tomorrow so he knew he had time to get a handle on it. Mostly he was trying to rationalize his idea of asking Lev if he wanted to video chat. Lev didn’t have school on a Sunday either, it wasn’t _that_ late, and quite frankly, Yaku was sick of second guessing every emoji or lack thereof in Lev’s texts.

He needed some certainty about how Lev was feeling. Unlike Kuroo, whose moods he could instantly detect through text, Lev was still relatively unknown to him. If anything, _that_ was a worthy enough cause to ask because spending more time with Lev was important. He just hoped he wasn’t being selfish…

_> >Hey Lev_

Yaku practically flinched at the jolt that punched at his gut when he hit send. He took a deep breath, desperately trying to keep himself calm as he waited. The phone’s vibration didn’t take too long to signal a reply.

**_> >Good evening Yaku-san! How has your week been?_ **

Not as enthusiastic as he had expected, but even Lev could neglect an exclamation mark every now and then, right? Yaku shook his head. That wasn’t the point and he knew it. Honestly he wasn’t even scrutinizing anymore, he was just was stalling.

_> >Good! Really busy, but I’m starting to settle into things now. How about yours?_

Yaku took a deep breath again as he eased himself through the conversation. He’d find an opening, slip it in casually. He could do this.

_**> >Ah… I should be honest with you. Not very good…** _

Yaku swallowed hard as he read the text and he felt all of his previous hesitation melt away. If Lev’s week had been bad, then a video chat was more than appropriate to help cheer him up and Yaku really wanted to try.

_> >Do you want to talk about it? We could do a video call._

Yaku sent it without a second thought, and a reply was buzzing in just as quickly.

_**> >Really Yaku-san!? Definitely! Oh, um, only if you have the time of course. I wouldn’t want you to take time away from your studies for my silly problems.** _

Yaku scoffed out loud as he read that one and got busy typing up a reply.

_> >If you’re not feeling well then studies are the least of my worries. Get online._

WIthout waiting for a reply, Yaku went ahead and opened up his laptop and logged into the messenger. Not two seconds later, a very loud message popped up in the bottom corner of his screen.

**_> >I don’t know what to say!! Thank you, Yaku-san…_ **

_> >It’s nothing at all, just call me._

There was a moment of quiet where Yaku wasn’t really sure if maybe Lev was hesitating or if he didn’t know exactly where the call button was. When the call finally came through, Yaku’s heart jumped into his throat and he inhaled sharply as he hit the answer button. A smile accompanied his exhale for he was now looking at a curious Lev on his screen.

“Is it… is it working?” Lev asked. He was way too close to the camera, chin and shoulder taking up most of the window. He seemed like he was trying to find something on the screen before him and Yaku could only laugh.

“It’s working, Lev,” Yaku reassured him. Lev continued his off screen tinkering, seemingly still confused.

“Really? I hear you, but I don’t see you…”

“Do you have the window collapsed or something?”

“Do I… Oh!” and as quickly as that, Lev went from taking up most of the frame to sitting back in his chair, a normal distance away, his smile brighter than Yaku had ever seen it. “It _was_ collapsed! Good thinking, Yaku-san!”

It was something that would have earned Lev a kick, but all Yaku could do was smile.

“It’s good to see you,” Yaku found himself saying, not even noticing the amount of warmth he had put behind it until after it had been uttered. Lev’s smile softened and Yaku couldn’t help but note how sweet he looked with slightly scruffier hair than normal and an oversized sweater that went past his hands. Yaku could only assume Lev always looked like that in the evenings. _Cute…_

“It’s good to see you too…” Lev replied, his gaze contradicting his words as it drifted to the side.

Yaku mentally shook himself and prepared as quickly as possible. This was the first time they had spoken face to face since that night and he wasn’t about to fall victim to awkwardness.

“So!” Yaku exclaimed as he relaxed back in his chair, “about this week you’ve had. What happened?”

“Ah, I don’t want to talk about it…” Lev replied, an adorable pout on his lips.

“What,” Yaku deadpanned, any and all tension bursting away. “I thought you _did!_ Why else would you want to chat like this!?” Yaku scolded. Lev brought a sleeve covered hand to his mouth and giggled behind it.

“It’s because I thought seeing you would cheer me up,” he confessed. Yaku’s heart skipped and he could tell that Lev was looking straight at his video window. “I was right!” he then added with classic Lev enthusiasm.

Yaku scoffed but found himself smiling regardless.

“That doesn’t negate the fact that you said you were feeling down. Talk to me, what is it?” Yaku said, getting back down to business.

Yaku watched Lev shift around in his chair, bringing up a folded leg and hugging it against himself. The ex-libero waited patiently.

“Well, it’s just that… I think the coach might be giving away my starting position…” he muttered against his knee.

“What?” Yaku blurted out, not understanding what he was hearing. “But what makes you think that? You’ve improved so much over the last few months.”

“Ahh… I don’t know. It’s just a feeling I have I guess…” Lev said, a sad arc in his brow coupled with a smile on his lips. Yaku tried not to flashback to the last time he saw _that_ one, which actually made him realize how rare it was and he wondered how much Lev did that when he was alone. Did he always doubt himself like that?

“Is this a new feeling, or…” Yaku carefully questioned. Lev scratched his head as he hummed.

“Maybe? A bit? I don’t know, Yaku-san. I guess I’ve just been having an off week…”

Yaku tried to swallow back the guilt, but he _did_ have to know and he was determined to face it all head on.

“This doesn’t have anything to do with me, does it?” Yaku asked quietly. Lev paused for a second. He still had a small smile on his face, but Yaku could definitely see the melancholy that lingered in his eyes.

“Well yes…” he said, quickly lifting his hands in defense, “...but it’s really not what you think! I think it’s just… I miss all of you guys. Practice just feels kind of weird without Kuroo-san as captain or without you there to kick me into gear…”

Yaku felt his heart twist as Lev spoke. He was happy. Happy that they weren’t going to dwell on their awkward encounter, and relieved that it wasn’t hurting Lev as much as he thought. All of those were good things and if what Lev said truly was the reason he was feeling down, then Yaku could help him out just fine.

“Lev, I’m pretty sure you’ve got enough enthusiasm to kick yourself into gear,” Yaku joked. Lev’s eyes went wide. It seemed as though he didn’t expect that type of remark.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he whined. Yaku remained patient with him.

“I’m just saying that you were enthusiastic about it before, so it should be easy to motivate yourself again. You’re basically an energy bomb, Lev,” Yaku explained with a smile. Lev blinked into the camera, his green eyes sparkling in the lamp light from overhead.

“I guess that _is_ how I am, huh?” Lev said absently. It was clear to Yaku that what he said hadn’t helped all that much. He had to put himself in Lev’s shoes for a minute. If he had been a first year inspired by his team to play volleyball and then part of that team left, he’d probably be feeling a little empty himself. Hell, he still felt that tug that told him to get changed and start practice, but with how overwhelming university was, Yaku didn’t find it all that difficult to let go. He then realized that perhaps being in such a slow, comfortable environment filled with everything that reminded you of what was missing didn’t help with the feeling either, and his smile faded with each passing thought.

“Sorry Lev…” Yaku finally said. “I guess just telling you to _‘get better’_ doesn’t exactly help much. I mean, I really miss playing with you guys too. Honestly, leaving Kuroo’s party was one of the toughest things I’ve done,” Yaku explained, rambling through a bit of a chuckle as he sheepishly rubbed the back of his head.

“No, no! I understood what you meant. It’s just gonna be hard to power through and get back on track. I really loved our team. I guess I only realize now how much that was…”

Yaku let out a small sigh. It wasn’t because he was irritated or anything, more so just a breath to get his bearings. He really wished he could give Lev a hug…

“Well, why not just think about the future then?” Yaku said, trying out a new approach this time. “You have to become the ace and whip all those first years into shape too. Are there any newcomers yet?”

The shift in conversation seemed to ease the sadness out of Lev’s expression, and Yaku found that talking with Lev like this was even nicer than he expected. When had he really sat down and had a heart to heart like this with Lev anyway? Yaku didn’t want to use any more of his attention on the question, he just wanted to hear what Lev had to say.

“Uh, yeah actually. A few new first years joined the club just last week! They’re good, though not as good as I was in _my_ first year,” Lev gloated while pointing his thumb at himself. Yaku scoffed and laughed all at once.

“You’re delusional,” Yaku teased as he folded his arms.

“Hey! Once I got that spike down, I was amazing!” Lev shot back.

“Last time I checked, you were still missing the set like two out of five times whenever you tried to spike.”

“Yaku-saaan! I thought you were supposed to be making me feel better!” Lev whined, his expression definitely back to normal and Yaku could only smile at that, because he had already done his job. Maybe Kuroo was correct in saying just to handle things normally. He didn’t talk to Lev the same way he did Kuroo, but he didn’t talk to any friend the same way. Everybody had a tick, everybody had certain things that they would respond to, and Lev always seemed to smarten up after a few jabs at his mistakes. Well, it usually took more than just the one, but Lev’s mood seemed surprisingly malleable in the evening.

“I am! I’m motivating you,” Yaku explained. “You’re showing me your usual energy now so it seems like it’s working,” he added as he smirked at the camera.

Lev froze for a minute and then it appeared as though realization washed over his expression.

“Wow! You’re good at that,” Lev said, patting his hands over his chest like he was trying to figure out if he was still real. Yaku only took that as Lev realizing that his little depression was easily solved.

“See? I can kick your butt into gear even over a video chat. I don’t even have to physically do it anymore,” Yaku said.

“Maybe, though I’ve realized I kind of miss those too…” Lev said, though more sheepish than sad. Yaku blinked in surprise.

“Are you serious? I thought you were scared of those.”

“I am! But there was something about living on the edge all the time, you know? Guess I’m just an adrenaline junkie~” Lev said with a shrug. Yaku snorted.

“You’re crazy,” Yaku jovially pointed out. Lev could only smile.

“Ha ha! But it’s not as if you’re always scary, Yaku-san,” Lev continued. Yaku tilted his head slightly, confused. Did Lev really think that? Especially with what Kuroo said before, Yaku was under the assumption that Lev was always kind of scared of him…

“Really?” Yaku asked, a small smile tugging at his lips despite himself.

“Yes! You can be really comforting sometimes too, like…” Lev thought about it for a bit longer than Yaku appreciated, but he realized it was only because Lev was searching for the right words. He watched Lev’s face morph from thoughtful to fond, and he felt himself swallowing back butterflies because Yaku was pretty sure he just thought of the same moment Lev was about to pinpoint. “...Do you remember that one really late night of receiving practice in the gym? It was only like a week before the Spring Tournament and-”

“You were really desperate to get a certain move right,” Yaku finished. He remember alright. How could he forget…?

  
  


_“Lev! That’s enough for one day now, we should go home,” Yaku called from across the gym. He had been serving and throwing balls at Lev for hours after everybody else had gone home, and Yaku still wasn’t exactly understanding why he had stuck around in the first place; this new move was going nowhere…_

_“Please, Yaku-san, just a few more!” Lev called back, and there was something strange in the boy’s voice, something Yaku wasn’t used to hearing. Just the simple crack of desperation and frustration was enough to signal to Yaku that something here wasn’t quite right._

_“Not today, Lev. We really should rest now…” Yaku said as he walked over, bending to pass under the net and stopping in front of an exhausted Lev. Yaku folded his arms._

_“It’s close though, my technique… If I could just-”_

_“Your technique is better than I’ve ever seen it,” Yaku interrupted bluntly. Lev snapped out of his determined trance to stare incredulously at Yaku. “What?” the libero asked._

_“You’re serious?”_

_Yaku blinked. He wasn’t quite sure why Lev seemed so surprised. He thought his improvement had been obvious to the both of them…_

_“Well, yeah,” Yaku said sincerely. He supposed he never really spoke his praise out loud. It was a mix between his own brand of tough love and also the strange feelings he had been trying to hide from himself for a while now. Then again, Yaku was fully aware that staying behind this long was out of the norm for him and it had far less to do with fixing Lev’s technique and more about just spending time with the boy somehow…_

_...Which was very unfair. Yaku knew that Lev was putting in a ton of effort for the team and he should have offered more kind words than he had been._

_Yaku took another step forward, reaching out and touching Lev gently on his trembling arm._

_“I know we all give you a hard time, Lev, but you’ve been putting in a lot of effort lately and I think you should know that we’ve all seen how far you’ve come. It’s not unappreciated, you know?” Yaku assured, running a comforting thumb back and forth where his hand still sat on Lev’s arm. One the taller boy took note of. One Yaku pulled away immediately once he noticed what he was doing._

_“But Yaku-san… I still… I guess I’m just a little afraid of the tournament. This will be your last one, won’t it? You and Kuroo-san… Kai-san…”_

_Yaku realized right away what was going on here, even though he was stunned Lev would feel that way._

_“Play it like you would any game, Lev,” Yaku said gently. Lev gazed at him, breath finally calm and eyes curious for elaboration. Yaku smiled, one of his rare, soft smiles. “I’m proud of you, Lev. We’re all honoured to have you part of our team.”_

_That was the first time Yaku had ever seen Lev looked so shocked but it was also the first time he had seen Lev’s expression melt into a humble smile, and it was the most gorgeous thing Yaku had ever seen in his life._

_Yaku realized that day that his feelings ran deeper than he may have first known, that maybe this idiot first year had more sides to him that he wanted to know._

_Lev placed a warm hand on Yaku’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze._

_“Thank you so much, Yaku-san…”_

_It was a shame it had to be their last practice. There wouldn’t be much time for any bonding after that and their dance would only begin to grow more complex…_

  
  


...Oh yes, Yaku remembered very well. Lev’s hand on his shoulder still left an imprint, though that had been replaced by something else that happened between them not all that long ago.

“I was really surprised then,” Lev pointed out, and Yaku’s image of the past faded away to his current image of Lev moving in the corner of his computer screen. “It was the first time I really saw you like that and well… You’re super cool, Yaku-san. I just have to say that,” Lev giggled and Yaku hoped that his face didn’t look as red as it felt.

“Alright, that’s enough,” Yaku said with a short chuckle, brushing off the comment and his embarrassment all at once.

Yaku’s reaction only made Lev laugh harder for a moment before it calmed down into a happy smile that Lev hid behind his knee again, like he was trying to hide after his bold burst of confidence. God, Lev was so cute. Yaku couldn’t believe it. Even just a video call between the two of them made Yaku realize just how much he was missing when it came to getting to know Lev. So much time wasted with hiding but…

...They could still do this, couldn’t they?

“Anyway…” Yaku spoke up again before he could get consumed by his regrets, “what I said back then is no less true now. You know that, yeah? So don’t worry about it. Just keep doing what you’ve been doing.”

“Thank you, Yaku-san. Aaah! You really _are_ good at cheering me up! I wish… Um…” Lev exclaimed at first but grew quieter as he hesitated. Yaku arched a brow.

“You wish…?”

Lev shook his head. “No, it’s nothing, ha ha. I think this week will be a lot better now!” he exclaimed, and lost words aside, that made Yaku pretty happy. “So, um…” Lev continued, “...Do you have a lot of homework already?”

It was an abrupt switch in conversation but Yaku was alright with that. Any more time spent reminiscing probably would have been dangerous for the both of them so he simply relaxed back in his chair and was happy to answer Lev’s question.

“Honestly? A stack about this high,” Yaku said, reaching for his pile of books and holding them up for Lev to see. He watched the boy’s eyes widen in horror.

“You’re kidding me!” he yelled, pointing and everything. “Yaku-san, what are you doing here!? You should get started right away!

Yaku laughed.

“I’ve got a handle on it. Don’t worry about me, Lev,” he said, rather amused by that adorable reaction.

“Yaku-san… So cool…” Lev said in awe. Had it been anybody else, Yaku would have been suspicious over how genuine such a statement was, but it being Lev made it perfectly clear that it was sincere. Yaku couldn’t handle this and he folded his own leg against himself to casually hide his face against his knee.

He wondered if Lev noticed, if Lev understood what he was doing to him. And if he did, what was he trying to do?

“Oh, oh! You should show me around your room!” Lev then exclaimed, breaking the moment and Yaku’s ideas completely.

“Hah?”

“Why not!? We’ve never hung out in each other’s rooms before and since we’re hanging out now… Well? I’ll show you mine too!” he said, so very excited and jumping on his own idea. Yaku was a bit more embarrassed over the notion. Shouldn’t there be more precedent before a bedroom tour? Or had they blown past that already…? Then again, it was a tour over webcam, so was it really such a big deal?

“Um… Okay, I guess?” Yaku slowly agreed. He could hear Lev’s excited _‘yaaayyy’_ coming from the computer but the ex-libero was already anxiously scanning around his room. Oh God, he had _not_ been prepared for this…

Yaku looked back at his laptop and decided to unplug it first. He then scanned around the machine to think about the best way to go about this, as well as building up the courage for it.

“Guess you’re going for a ride, Lev,” Yaku dumbly joked as he took the laptop in his hands. At the very least, Lev humoured him with an adorable _‘weee!’_ as he lifted the machine and flipped it around so that he could carry it and show off the corners of his world at the same time. He turned himself around and got the room into view - the very sparse and not lived in room that he wasn’t exactly sure he could call home yet. Nothing graced the walls, a few sweaters were spread over his neatly made bed and a sock or two was scattered over the floor. Yaku hadn’t even thought about decorating. He hardly had enough time to _eat_ , let alone put time into interior design...

“This is pretty much it,” Yaku said flatly.

“Wow! You live light, Yaku-san! Very manly!” he heard Lev say, and despite the sincerity, Yaku still flipped his computer around to chew Lev out like he always did.

“Hey, I haven’t had enough time to decorate yet!” he yelled and all he could see was Lev’s questioning face in the corner of his screen.

“Oh? What do you usually put up?” he asked, ever so intrigued.

Yaku was suddenly forgetting everything about his life. What did he decorate his room back home with?

“I uh… I don’t know. Movie posters? Some paintings I found at a flea market once I thought were cool… Some Volleyball Monthly clippings…”

“Ooh! Well I hope you manage to get some of it out there for your room,” Lev said happily. Yaku smiled and shook his head.

“Nah, I don’t really need that stuff now. I’ll find something if I have the time. Homework first, as you know,” he sighed. Lev chuckled softly.

“Well, don’t overwork yourself,” he said, a bit of playfulness to his voice. Yaku smirked.

“Are you doing an impression of me?” he asked. Lev stuck out his tongue.

“Maybe!”

Yaku shook his head and sat back down on the bed, angling the laptop so that he was framed properly again. He sighed.

“Well, I’ll try to follow my own advice I guess.”

Yaku found himself smiling fondly at the space on his screen dedicated to Lev’s image and he hardly took notice of just how long he was entranced by it and their quiet moment until Lev snapped his fingers and waved a hand.

“Yaku-san?” he asked. Yaku’s shoulders jumped.

“Huh?”

“Ah! I thought you were frozen, ha ha!”

Yaku responded with a weaker laugh and mentally slapped himself for falling in that trap. He supposed if he was going to do this with the guy he had very real feelings for, he’d have to pay more attention to what he was doing but damn, did Lev make it hard. So sweet and so cute and almost literally in the palm of his hand.

As Lev continued laughing and running off on some tangent about how one time he was doing a video call with Fukunaga and he had actually held his position for a full hour or something, Yaku’s mind couldn’t help but wander around the thoughts of what the reality of a long distance relationship would really be like. Lev’s smile and happy story almost made him cave and ask again right then and there but…

...There was still so much he couldn’t do, so many things they wouldn’t be _able_ to do for who knows how long and Yaku wondered if that would be worse than _pining_ for who knows how long. He could feel his brain swirling itself into a mess and he hated it. He wondered if Lev was feeling the same on some level…

“And then I was like, please Fukunaga-san, just give me a sign to let me know I’m not going crazy, and then he _finally_ held up his hands and did this,” Lev explained as he raised his hands and mimicked the gesture Fukunaga seemed to always do. “I honestly don’t know what I was expecting, but it was kind of funny,” he finished. Yaku clued in at the last second and chuckled softly at Lev’s story.

“Well that certainly sounds like Fukunaga,” he said.

“Yeah… Ah!” Lev was about to continue but it seemed as though there was a yell in the distance. “Don’t worry mom!” he called to the door.

“Mom on your case?” Yaku teased.

“Aha, yeah. She told me to get good rest tonight since I’ve been so out of it all week.”

“You should listen to your mom,” Yaku said, stealing a glance at his clock. They had been at this for a while now. It was amazing how fast the time flew by…

“I guess so…” Lev pouted. It was clear to Yaku that Lev didn’t exactly want to leave yet, and Yaku couldn’t lie to himself. He didn’t want the call to end either, but they _did_ both have to be responsible.

“We can chat again like this later if you want. We should both be getting to bed,” Yaku said. “You are feeling better though, right? You’re going to be able to show coach what you’re made of this week?” Yaku added, attempting to end their video call on a high note. Lev paused for a moment, glancing around over his screen as if looking between Yaku’s window and the camera before settling on the latter and giving Yaku the image of Lev’s broad and sincere smile.

“You bet, Yaku-san,” he assured.

“Good,” Yaku said, smiling back. They both fell quiet, seemingly because they both weren’t sure how to say goodbye and so they just kind of awkwardly laughed with each other after the moment had gone on for too long.

“Aha, I guess I’ll get going then,” Lev finally spoke up.

“Yeah…” Yaku agreed and then he realized what the real hard part about this was. Saying goodbye and not knowing when they’d get the chance to talk again. If they kept doing this, Yaku felt like it was going to feel like a hundred last nights in Tokyo and he almost felt like crying…

...But he didn’t. He couldn’t do that in front of Lev. He wouldn’t do that to him, wouldn’t do that to _them_.

“Thanks again for calling me, ah… I promise I’ll show you my room next time! And um, maybe we could watch a movie together or… Something… Somehow…?” Lev stammered, grasping at any straw he could but it did help Yaku to smile and feel calmer.

“I’d like that, Lev,” he said gently, “Now get going before I hang up on you!” he added a bit more forcefully so that things wouldn’t feel so soft. It was dangerous to let it get that way. Lev perked up and gave some sort of salute.

“Yes sir!” he called, and with a wave and one last good night, Lev ended the call.

Yaku stared at the screen for a little while longer before letting out a deep sigh. It was amazing how his room suddenly felt. He actually wished for some of those comforts from his old room to grace his walls now. Everything felt so cold and empty, and between his situation with Lev, and missing him and missing home all at once, it finally hit Yaku that so many things weren’t going to be the same anymore. He had been so busy, he hardly noticed that his world had become so empty...

His face dimly lit by his laptop screen, Yaku couldn’t hold back the tears anymore...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha 8'D I made myself sad again! I swear this will pick up eventually. I was going to say in the next chapter but I can't make any promises, lol! Regardless, I hope you all enjoyed and please let me know what you thought! Feedback sustainsss meee~ =w=
> 
> And if you want to yell about anything over on tumblr, you can find me - [HERE](http://sheenaxzelos.tumblr.com/)


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